I\u2019m trying so hard not to give up,
I\u2019m trying so hard not to break,
But the more I try to survive and repair,
The more life tries to take,
I try to smile when I\u2019m sad,
I dance when there is no sound,
I pretend I am not lost,
When in reality, I know I\u2019ll never be found,
I feel so alone,
I\u2019m scared and I\u2019m vulnerable,
Believing that one day I might actually not wake up crying,
Like a sad and pathetic little fool,
I\u2019m too damaged,
I\u2019m too broken,
I have too much trauma,
That on the rope of self-hatred I\u2019m choking,
I know I\u2019m unworthy of happiness,
I know I\u2019m unwanted in society,
But the loneliness plaguing my existence,
Is now making me doubt my own reality,
I don\u2019t feel human,
Neither do I feel beast,
And on a dinner for the lost and the broken,
I sit and I feast,
All I have ever wanted is to feel like you,
And for once not feel like I\u2019m a burden,
I always feel like I\u2019m in the way,
And cos of this, my heart won\u2019t stop hurting,
I know how I feel,
Is a mixture of my depression, childhood trauma and ADHD,
But I\u2019ve spent all of my life trying to figure out how to repair,
And I am still no closer to giving the slightest of fucks about me,
I just pray that one day,
My sentence of constantly feeling lost is served,
And maybe one day I might actually feel human,
Oh Callum\u2026.. don\u2019t be so absurd,
The thing is\u2026 I am just merely a droplet,
In the massive deep blue depression sea,
So as I struggle swimming in this Tsunami of the lost,
I guess I\u2019ll just have to accept I am me.
Forever to swim,
Forever my frown,
Forever struggling to breathe,
Until the day I drown.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wrote in late 2024 but finished on: 19\/01\/2024<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019m trying so hard not to give up,I\u2019m trying so hard not to break,But the more I try to survive and repair,The more life tries to take, I try to smile when I\u2019m sad,I dance when there is no sound,I pretend I am not lost,When in reality, I know I\u2019ll never be found, I feel…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1035","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-poems"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tdp.mtse.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1035","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tdp.mtse.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tdp.mtse.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tdp.mtse.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tdp.mtse.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1035"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/tdp.mtse.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1035\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1049,"href":"https:\/\/tdp.mtse.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1035\/revisions\/1049"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tdp.mtse.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1035"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tdp.mtse.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1035"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tdp.mtse.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1035"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}