I’m trying so hard not to give up,
I’m trying so hard not to break,
But the more I try to survive and repair,
The more life tries to take,

I try to smile when I’m sad,
I dance when there is no sound,
I pretend I am not lost,
When in reality, I know I’ll never be found,

I feel so alone,
I’m scared and I’m vulnerable,
Believing that one day I might actually not wake up crying,
Like a sad and pathetic little fool,

I’m too damaged,
I’m too broken,
I have too much trauma,
That on the rope of self-hatred I’m choking,

I know I’m unworthy of happiness,
I know I’m unwanted in society,
But the loneliness plaguing my existence,
Is now making me doubt my own reality,

I don’t feel human,
Neither do I feel beast,
And on a dinner for the lost and the broken,
I sit and I feast,

All I have ever wanted is to feel like you,
And for once not feel like I’m a burden,
I always feel like I’m in the way,
And cos of this, my heart won’t stop hurting,

I know how I feel,
Is a mixture of my depression, childhood trauma and ADHD,
But I’ve spent all of my life trying to figure out how to repair,
And I am still no closer to giving the slightest of fucks about me,

I just pray that one day,
My sentence of constantly feeling lost is served,
And maybe one day I might actually feel human,
Oh Callum….. don’t be so absurd,

The thing is… I am just merely a droplet,
In the massive deep blue depression sea,
So as I struggle swimming in this Tsunami of the lost,
I guess I’ll just have to accept I am me.

Forever to swim,
Forever my frown,
Forever struggling to breathe,
Until the day I drown.

Wrote in late 2024 but finished on: 19/01/2024