Why can’t I just be happy?
Why can’t I smile?
And why when I do nothing wrong,
Do I put myself on trial?
Why am I unable to feel,
Yet cry all day?
Why when I want to die,
Do I decide to stay?
Why do I not trust anyone,
Yet I’m unable to trust myself?
Why is it ok for me to hate me,
And then just blame it on mental health?
Why when people want me,
Do I feel even more alone?
And why when I try to be a good person,
I think I’m the biggest scumbag you’ve ever known?
Why is it never good enough,
Any damn thing I do?
Why do I hate myself so much,
That I would happily starve just to feed you?
Why do I keep stick around,
When I really don’t understand why?
Why do I promote life so much,
When my head just wants me to die?
Why do I convince myself,
To survive depression and stick around?
Why don’t I want heaven?
But just want to rot in the ground?
Why am I only comfortable,
The more I suffer?
And why do I ask for peace,
But me myself, make my own life tougher?
Why do I prefer being alone and in the dark,
When the light is just in front?
And why,
Am I such a pathetic useless cunt?
Why when people say I’m worth it,
Do I tense up and feel uneasy?
And why when I’m forced to give myself a compliment,
Do I feel disgusted and queasy?
Why don’t I jump,
When that’s all my head screams at me to do?
Why am I so fucking broken,
That it’s now affecting you?
I deserve this pain,
I deserve to die,
All because I can’t answer my own fucking question,
Of why!!!!


Wrote on 18/10/2022 (Not Proofread yet)

P.S. I was at breaking point when I wrote this (As you’ve probably guessed) so please excuse the language