Picking up the pieces of my broken life,
With guilt and shame cut deep like a knife,
With my depression the worst it ever has been,
And heartache straight out of a movie scene,
My loneliness started feeling a bit too lonely,
Everyone wants a cuddle but no one wanted one from me,
I heard of rumours of love from eastern lands,
Who for a certain price will cure the heart of a lonely man,
I walked to my destination with thoughts of naughty and fun,
Swapping my pain and darkness for smiles and cum,
I paid for a connection but I think I got short changed,
Going down a road in life that even my demons find strange,
A darkened room with seedy flickering lights,
Telling tales of broken men trying to cure their lonely nights,
I’m just another man with money in his pocket,
Lured into the depths of darkness like a horny lost prophet,
She asks me what I want with such luring eyes,
I stammered out “To be loved” and then I cried,
I want a skin to skin cuddle and to feel your heart against mine,
I want to connect with another human, and peace I want to find,
She takes my payment and then takes me to a room,
With smells of broken men’s aftershave and a prostitutes perfume,
We both get undressed, no messing around,
I’m shaking with anxiety and a new, more profound guilt is found,
She tells me to relax in her broken English voice,
I make small talk and find out she’s here by choice,
A beautiful woman desperate for money,
We are both suffering in life, how ironically funny,
She masturbates me as I hold her close,
A Skin to skin cuddle, which is free for most,
My whole allotted time I do nothing but cry,
She sheds a singular tear herself, I didn’t ask why,
Covered in shame I start to tickle her skin,
If I can please her maybe this won’t be classed as sin,
I get aroused, completely lost in my pain,
Feeling dirty cos I don’t even know her name,
Drunk on my sorrow, I cry as I cum,
No more emotions, I’m back to being numb,
30 minutes and my time is up,
She hands me a tissue to clean myself up,
She wipes my tears away from her aging breast,
Says an awkward thank you then gets dressed,
My tears now smelling of vanilla,
Feeling ashamed and dirty, my conscience now being the killer,
I shake as I get dressed,
Tell her I’m sorry and wish her all the best,
I leave through the back, no longer knowing who I am,
Walking amongst my fellow humans, trying to blend in, if I can,
I catch my bus home thinking everybody knows,
Sat there patiently hoping my paranoia goes,
I get home and I scream and curse at the demons that never leave me,
I cry some more but this time it’s for free,
Looking into a mirror trying to recognise myself,
A Poor man who’s rich with a bastards wealth,
I feel sick to my core, like never before,
But for some reason begging myself for more,
I’m a now dirty scumbag fuelling the underground,
My reasons for going never to be heard, not even in a single whisper or sound,
But I realise everything has a price, even connection and love,
So I’ll be going again next payday, cos 30 minutes wasn’t enough.


Wrote on: 07/05/2023