Lying awake in bed,
Paralysed deep in my thought,
Seeking long lost answers,
To lessons life should have already taught,
Am I even good enough for this?
To just simply exist amongst it all,
Who even am I?
But a deluded and confused fool,
I sit there pointlessly numb,
With my mind pacing and racing,
Pondering my crazy thoughts,
With dreams I long ago stopped chasing,
I ask all of life’s questions,
In what seems like forever,
But only minutes pass me by,
I need to pull myself together,

Lying awake in bed,
Paralysed with anxiety and fear,
Trembling like a leaf on the gentlest of breezes
With not a single thought that is clear,
Not knowing why my heart is racing,
No real excuse for this tremor plaguing my chest,
Trying to calm my breathing,
To let my tired and warn out body rest,

Lying awake in bed,
With silent tears filling up my eyes,
And with an emotionless face,
Covering the scars as the perfect disguise,
Past thoughts, actions and decisions,
Galloping through my mind,
Like a bunch of wild horses,
None of which treat me kind,
Anger building up,
Resentment and regret,
What I wouldn’t do,
For just once to be able to forget,

Lying awake in bed,
I struggle to switch of and relax,
I just patiently wait for this punishment,
To reach it’s finale or climax,
Then I can rest,
Drift of to the land of nod,
Where dreams or nightmares await,
My subconscious playing god,

I awake in the morning,
With just under five seconds grace,
Pure emptiness,
Before these emotions and feelings once again embrace,
I get up and sit on the edge of my bed,
And I take a deep breath in,
I swallow all this pain and hurt,
And I preform the smallest of grin,
Cos although I suffer,
And every day I fight so hard to survive,
I will fight no matter what life chucks at me,
Cos today I woke up alive.


Wrote on: 31/05/2023