I am just a madman in your eyes,
A dangerous freak in human clothes,
With a mind that knows of only evil,
And love and comparison is something I will never know,

Your stories of my kind have defined me,
Even if I live in a so called tolerant age,
You may have released us from our shackles,
But we are still locked up in society’s closed minded cage,

I am no devil and nor did hell send me here,
And no, I do not have any hell bent demonic lesson to give,
I am not here to do some biblical dirty work,
I am just a human trying to live,

Forever we be punished by your fear,
My life is dictated by the uneducated rumours of old,
My heart beats a sad dose of warm oppression,
Whilst yours beats icy cold,

In every book that has ever been created,
I am the monster that eats children as he howls at the moon,
And as I sit in my prison begging for nothing but peace,
The villagers and their pitchforks come for me soon,

I have paranoid schizophrenia,
To you I am Frankenstein’s monster in his shackles and chains,
Cos It doesn’t matter what I was born as,
Because to society, “Crazy” will forever be my name,

Wrote on: 20/09/2024

As the woman I once loved,
Laughs and sings her hate for me,
I sit here begging life for the slightest bit of peace,
Just for a few moments, to know what it’s like to be free,

The memories and demons they torture,
My beaten and fragile mind,
Screaming such vivid depictions of a time I wasn’t myself,
Another life, a different time,

With the bottle asking to join me on my quest of broken nostalgia,
I choose to have only my tears,
And as the rest of the world sleeps,
I weep and whimper over mistakes of forgotten years,

And I do hate to moan,
But depression is forever my home,
And it’s all I have ever known,
And I face it….. All alone,


As evil triumphs in its war against good,
Beating morals and respect to a bloody pulp,
I swallow the pain from my good heart,
With an arduous and troublesome gulp,

The families that are out there,
The kind that I wish I had,
Sleep on their woven blanket of softness and comfort,
Whilst I stay on the outskirts of society like a forgotten nomad,

And if ever the alpha does get tired of his treasure,
And his kingdom does collapse,
I drift like the lone wolf I am, to the now heartbroken woman,
And at his table, I beg for the smallest of his scraps,

And I do hate to moan,
But depression is forever my home,
And it’s all I have ever known,
And I face it….. All alone,

I often go feed the pigeons,
Convincing myself it brings me peace and calms my negative self-reflection,
Or maybe, my mind is so messed up and broken,
That It’s the only time I feel some sort of a connection,

But once they eat their food,
The food I spent my last bit of money on,
They fly away to the next person,
Cos I am no longer of use to them, as Humans and Pigeons share such a familiar sounding song,

When they have left, I remain sat there,
With my mind fading it’s eyesight into a lost and distorted version of bleak,
I swallow all those silent screams and all my pain yet again,
I force a broken smile and I turn the other cheek,

And I do hate to moan,
But depression is forever my home,
Because it’s all I have ever known,
And I face it….. All alone,


And this depression I have,
So sick and twisted it plays games with me,
Me, who is so institutionalised by the pain,
That I would still choose the darkness even if I had the option of being free,

My mind so lost and confused,
I long ago stopped asking why,
That I, a man who adores life,
Spends all of it wanting to die,

My life is so limited and precious,
Cos I know one day, time will not allow me to be here,
So I don’t understand why I spend my entire life,
Trapped in the isolation of my tears,

And believe it or not, I do hate to moan,
But depression is forever my home,
And it’s all I have ever known,
And I do it….. I do it… all…. alone.

Wrote on: 20/09/2024

I look at all the pretty birds,
Flying high in that sky,
Free from all the pain of a human’s mind,
Completely free, never to ask why,

Even with all the problems that I face,
The biggest burden that I share,
Is that I am down here,
And not up there,

One day though,
And one day soon,
I will spread my wings and fly my way to freedom,
And fly into sun, and into the moon,

I ask of you pretty bird,
Prisoner to none,
Save me from myself,
Save me from everyone,

Flying far from danger,
Soaring high above any sort of worry or fear,
I beg of you to take me with you,
For I am now nothing but tears,

Oh pretty bird,
Sweet creature of the free,
Forever stay flying high,
Cos this world will only destroy you …… I know it did with me.

Wrote on: 05/09/2024

I’ve drunk my drink, the bottle’s gone, this can-not last,
If I don’t get a grip on my life, I’ll go downhill fast,
What happened to them, was no one’s fault,
Yet our lives have come to a halt,
Look out! he’s drunk again,
With a bottle of vodka as his only friend,
We had a lot of good times, you must agree,
But it’s those memories that are torturing me,
I still feel as raw as I did on day one,
But no matter what I do, I just feel numb,

I tried talking to someone, but it didn’t help me,
So I shut myself away, and I threw away the key,
I tried to get on with my life, but I just couldn’t
I really wanted to, but my head just wouldn’t,
Oh Lord, answer me, what on earth did you do,
Your rash decisions have made me lose faith in you
In my messed up little head all I want to do is drink,
But at least when I’m out of my face, I no longer think,
I can hear them say don’t destroy yourself, my son,
But no matter what I do, I just feel numb,

I know that my way of coping makes me a fool,
But I can’t stop staring at the photos on my wall,
My Granddad was my hero and my Nan, my best friend,
Maybe if I just fade away I’ll get to see them again,
The amount of tears that have fallen, is unreal,
But anyone who’s lost their world will know how I feel,
My heart is aching and my soul is full of grief,
Whilst my head, still, a year on, is in disbelief,
I want to swim in my tears, into the setting sun
But no matter what I do, I just…. feel….. numb.

Wrote on: 20/11/2019 (Thought I had already uploaded it to the site, which I hadn’t)

I have a Jeffrey Dahmer brain,
I had the tests when I was young,
I’m a damaged fucked up little psycho,
And then some,

My brain and his brain share the same patterns and colours,
Him and me share the same kind of isolation,
But he bowed down to them voices,,
Where I chose to listen to a different kind of narration,

I don’t kill people,
And I never will,
I don’t believe in being nasty or horrible to humans or animals,
And being good instead of evil gives me my thrill,

But I do have a Jeffrey Dahmer brain,
It’s wired in the same way,
We do not abide by the same reality as you,
And both our minds are somewhere far, far away,

That’s why I like being on my own,
Cos humans and their wicked ways make no sense to me,
That’s why I lock myself up in my very own prison of isolation,
But at least in my head, I’m free,

It’s my way or the high way,
And I know thinking like that I won’t go far,
But it ain’t ever going to be an issue on that highway,
If I’m the only car,

And what you see as depressing and dark,
I see as happiness and light,
And what you see as not having much of an existence,
I see as living a true and honest life,

Cos the more people I’m around,
The lonelier I feel,
And the more something makes sense to you,
For me it becomes even less real,

Life and death, Light and Dark,
Polar opposites but also the same thing,
You are the Ying and I am The Yang,
My frown is the same as your grin,

Don’t get me wrong, I mean none of you any harm,
It’s just me and you we’re weren’t born the same,
And it’s all because,
I have a Jeffrey Dahmer brain,

Wrote on: 13/08/2024

River stop,
River go,
Receiving bliss,
From the river’s flow,

The trickle of the stream,
A poet’s dream,
Progression that’s always moving,
The sound of the river, so very soothing,

Reflections of the sun,
Bouncing of its mirrored face,
River, Oh Sweet River,
Sending me to my happy place,

River stop,
River go,
Receiving bliss,
From the river’s flow,

With the trickle of kaleidoscopic dreams,
From the beginning to the end,
Life and death, but not as it seems,

With the reeds whistling on the wind,
And the clouds drifting high above,
The river’s flow,
Makes me fall in love,

River stop,
River go,
Receiving bliss,
From the rivers flow,

The trees that watch,
Looming over from their perch on the bank,
A coot bobbing for food,
Dinner at 5 and The River he thanks,

And as I sit here watching,
Briefly resting in my search for peace,
And I find it,
If only brief,

So River stop,
River flow,
Forever receiving bliss,
From the River’s Flow.

Wrote on: 06/08/2024

I woke up half way through the night,
Covered in crisp pieces, emptiness and fag ash,
I saw the broken flickering lights from the TV in the dark,
And my flat covered in trash,

I drank the dregs of yesterday’s beer,
Oh, and don’t worry I didn’t swallow the fag butt this time,
I pull my dishevelled body up to a seated position,
Mount depression being the hardest mountain to climb,

I breathe in,
Oxygen being one of the very few things I can actually afford,
I roll myself a rollie and spark up,
A small dose of addicted death being my reward.

I look at all the things I have to do today,
And work out how many I can actually ignore,
I make up some lame ass excuse,
Hit send, then drop my phone to the floor,

I manage a small broken smirk,
As tiny tears of pain travel down the ingrained rivulets of my face,
With no knowledge or interest of the time or even what day it is,
I drift back into the sleepy place,

With another day I woke up,
And another day that I wish I didn’t,
I rest in sleepy slumber,
Life and death being a daily intermittent,

And yes, I know it’s only a depression spell,
And I will hopefully be out of it soon,
But when you aim for the stars,
You gotta be prepared to land on the moon,

And talking of the moon,
The slaughtered sheep are jumping over it now,
So I’ll see you on the flipside,
Maybe…… somehow,

My words to the dictator of depression,
My words to the keeper of sleep,
I ask of you to take me away and take control,
As I am too broken and too weak,

Please take me far away from this land,
To a place that is neither land nor sea,
Take me far, far away,
Far away from everything that is me.

Wrote in the early hours of 17/07/2024

Schizophrenia straight from hell,
A madman’s curse,
I may be little bit crazy,
But the people who are classed as “sane” are a darn sight worse,

The media and the clueless,
Tell tall tales of witchery,
Convincing common folk that my kind are monsters,
Making up horror stories filled with fear and mystery,

With no care to think for themselves,
They turned against what they refused to understand,
And it was common practice to hurt, hunt and kill,
The big, bad, evil crazy man,

So, lock me up like a rabid dog,
You know you want too,
And if you torture me enough,
I might even bark for you,

Grab your pitchforks,
And hunt me down for sport,
Hang me for a crime that has no meaning,
And shout offensive profanities, as I beg for my life in the town centre court,

March me to the gallows,
And let the whole town watch me swing,
Have a jester dance and tell jokes,
And get the local minstrel’s to sing,

Burn me at the stake,
They’ll be able to smell the madness for miles,
Or just simply chuck me off a cliff,
Cos the fact I didn’t fly back up will bring smiles,

Lock me up forever in an asylum,
Whilst you do inhumane experiments on me,
Call me evil, twisted and wicked,
And all cos you can’t see what I see,

Or run electric through my brain,
And lock me in a darkened room,
Give me deadly injections and lobotomies,
Cos I’m sure you’ll find a cure for “The Problem” soon,

Pump me full of untested medication,
The kind you won’t even give to the rats,
Cos remember you discovered a cure for the wind changing,
Well done you…. Seriously mate… congrats,

Parade me through the town,
In shackles and chains,
And chuck rotten vegetables at me,
Cos I am half a human with a demented animal brain,

Make films about us,
But make us all look like murderous psychotics,
Or use us as scape goats,
So your government can supply the people with their narcotics,

Or you can pretend that you actually give a fuck,
But then judge us more than you have ever done,
Whack us on benefits yet call us a burden,
Acceptance level…… still at none,

To be honest, it doesn’t really matter what you do,
Cos you have already made up your minds about me,
And the irony is that although I have demons in my head,
You are the only devils that I see…….

Date written: Unknown (Summer of 2023)

As I rested at the root of a tree,
I allowed my mind to escape with the breeze of the leaves,
My eyes started to become open,
And then I was finally allowed to see,

Realisation come crashing down,
And the meaning of my existence shown to me like words of a script,
An epiphany before my very eyes,
Enlightenment hit like a ton of bricks,

We have all been taking,
When we should actually be giving,
We also are barely existing,
When we should all be living,

We have lost track of who we are,
We are lost and confused,
We followed the shepherd down a treacherous road,
When in fact there was never even a path for us to choose,

We are simply just animals,
Floating around in a reality that we actually know nothing about,
We do nothing but bark and squawk for answers,
When instead we should just open our ears and fade out,

We are part of this rhythm,
A vibration known to us as life,
We know nothing to be certain,
Doing nothing but guesswork whilst balancing on the edge of a knife,

We are completely real,
But also entirely fictitious at the same time,
We are only what we perceive,
Madness and reality both yours and mine,

And by hook or by crook,
Like the ravens and the rooks,
We all try to survive,
And we all pretend we know what it’s like to be alive,

But we are floating on a calm breeze,
Whilst also trapped in a storm,
And entire universe of perceptive reality,
That was created the moment we were born,

We are the flame of the fire,
The chaos and the destruction,
We are only the stories we tell,
We are the middle, the end and even the introduction,

We are the words and we are the sounds,
And we are the air that we breathe,
We are the reason to stay,
And the reason to leave,

We are all but a dream,
A lost mirage,
Atoms travelling round in random and sporadic directions,
Like the sun, the moon and the stars,

We are all the same,
Vital but also null and void,
We are the thing that repaired,
And we are the thing that destroyed,

We are Mother Nature,
And we are father time,
Doing 9-5 cos the fake is real,
Escaping in lyric and rhyme,

I myself,
Am just an illusion form all of life’s confusion,
To an eyes that blind,
I am an optical intrusion,

So existing is merely just a feeling,
To which was given to us as a gift,
And even though our subconscious minds are grateful,
That gratitude is starting to drift,

To find ourselves again,
To understand what we are,
You need to ask questions but not care for the answers,
Let your mind be open and free to travel far,

This epiphany I had, was a lot for me to take in,
Like you, I found hard to comprehend or to believe,
But if truly you want to understand it all,
You just simply have to breathe…..

Wrote on: 29/05/2024