Sipping on my 8th rum and coke,
Slurring that life is a goddamn joke,
My head full of demons, all hypnotised
With my thoughts now all paralysed,
I have entered the dark corner of my mind,
With nothing but misery and torture to find,
I have tears rolling down my face,
I want to leave, but depression keeps me in this place,
I always wonder, what it would be like to be dead,
If people would cry or smile instead,
I have always been one to overthink,
But that’s what you do when you see hate every time you blink,
I always smile after I have cried,
Probably because, a little bit of me is now dead inside,
I’m not religious by any means,
But I see god in all my dreams,
I always ask him, why?
But I always wake up before he has chance to reply,
Before I met my wife, I had a plan,
Which would end up with me, walking on heaven’s holy land,
I looked straight in the eyes of death,
And we made a deal for me to take last breath,
The devil was there keeping score,
I just couldn’t deal with life no more,
And no matter how much I sit down and pray,
That feeling never truly goes away,
It sticks with you, like a scar on your chest,
And it comes from nowhere and hits you with its best,
A cloudy haze for a just a brief moment of your time,
But soon you’ll remember, and darkness you’ll find,
When I reach that darkness, I feel like there’s no hope,
With so much self-hatred, I psychically choke,
I don’t really want to live, but I don’t really want to die,
So I fight, and don’t really understand why,
I don’t talk to my doctor, about how I truly feel,
As all they will do is say “Here, take this pill”
As that’s the solution nowadays,
A bottle of tablets and week away,
A manicure, a pedicure,
What the fuck are we living for?
Constant questions, and no answers given,
My mind may be a bastard, but my body is quite forgiving,
So I leave you all on this note, and thankfully not that type,
Depression ain’t always visible, so don’t believe the hype
You may find this writing deep and dark, and you may not even follow,
But the dark side of depression is a bitter pill to swallow.
Someday I’ll be fine and smiling and laughing away,
But to be honest with all of you, it won’t be today.


Wrote on 26/02/2020