If I won a million,
I would cure my illness,
I would get rid of my diabetes,
And be filled with wellness,

If I won a million,
I would better my life,
I would book the biggest church,
And make Tracey my wife,

If I won a million,
I would buy myself a car,
Fill it up with petrol,
And drive so far,

If I won a million,
I would be generous and kind,
I would help those who helped me,
In body and in mind,

If I won a million,
I would buy a big home,
Somewhere in Devon,
And somewhere in Rome,

If I won a million,
I’d make my own Moonshine,
It probably wouldn’t sell,
But at least it would be mine,

If I won a million,
I’d see all the sights,
Sleep in the Ice Hotel,
And see the Northern Lights,

If I won a million,
I would produce my own song,
It would be the greatest ever lyrics,
And be three minutes long,

If I won a million,
I would do so much,
But the problem is,
I’d never want to wake up!


Wrote on 14/06/2017

I came to see an AC/DC tribute band,
To try and relax,
But Anxiety, IBS and Type 1 Diabetes,
Makes my confidence crack,
Safe in the company of my stepdad,
I try to let my hair down,
At a very stressful time in my life,
More stress I have seem to have found,
I’m sat outside,
Just in case,
With my stomach rumbling,
And a heart that is starting race,
With everyone rocking out,
Old and young,
Cos of my head and other health concerns,
Once again, I can’t chill out or have fun,
I’ve been SHOT DOWN IN FLAMES,
It seems I’m on a HIGHWAY TO HELL,
I’m ALL SCREWED UP,
Can’t you tell?
ARE YOU READY,
Cos ANYTHING GOES,
My stress levels are BACK IN BUSINESS,
All whilst I’m trying to enjoy the show,
It’s DOG EAT DOG,
Whilst DIRTY DEEDS ARE DONE DIRT CHEAP,
Someone GIMME A BULLET,
Cos I’m doing nothing but weep,
I think I’ll have a WHISKEY ON THE ROCKS,
Cos stress has SHOOK ME ALL NIGHT LONG,
My life right now is a TOUCH TOO MUCH,
Where everything I do seems to go wrong,
I hear the music,
And that’s THE WAY I WANNA ROCK ‘N’ ROLL,
I try to SHOOT TO THRILL,
Whilst I sit outside alone in the cold,
It’s a SHOT IN THE DARK,
But I try to ROCK THE BLUES AWAY,
I want this REJECTION, to RIDE ON,
Cos my problems are here to stay,
I’ve had an OVERDOSE of bad luck
I might even ask for my ticket money back,
Cos I was expecting an Ace,
But I ended up with THE JACK,
I suppose,
HELL AIN’T NO BAD PLACE TO BE,
But I’m so stressed in life right now,
I’m like T.N.T.,
Life for me,
Is a BAPTISM OF FIRE,
And to just enjoy life,
Is my deepest desire,
I’m getting A WHOLE LOTTA ROSIE,
So BABY, PLEASE DON’T GO,
I’m heading for a JAILBREAK,
At the end of this show,
GOODBYE AND GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD LUCK,
So INJECT THE VENOM for the HELLS BELLS,
Cos YOU AIN’T GOT A HOLD ON ME,
Cos rock ‘n’ roll and freedom are parallels,
I’ve been KICKED IN THE TEETH,
But IF YOU WANT BLOOD YOU GOT IT,
Cos I’m an AC/DC fan,
And I ain’t putting up with this shit,
Cos I’m a LIVE WIRE,
With a MEAN STREAK,
And I have been looking forward to this,
All goddamn week,
It’s a NERVOUS SHAKEDOWN,
In NO MAN’S LAND,
I will ROCK IN PEACE,
Dressed like Angus young with Bon Scott in hand,
ANYTHING GOES,
When you’re an AC/DC fan,
And I’m BACK IN BLACK,
Like a real rocker BOOGIE MAN,
So, listen here, Life,
You’ve been CAUGHT WITH YOUR PANTS DOWN,
Cos I’m listening to the best rock band ever,
And I’m now hitting the town.
I’ve GOT SOME ROCK ‘N’ ROLL THUNDER,
Heading straight for you,
Cos even God secretly listens to AC/DC,
And FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROCK WE SALUTE YOU!!!!


Wrote on 17/09/2022

Sipping on my 8th rum and coke,
Slurring that life is a goddamn joke,
My head full of demons, all hypnotised
With my thoughts now all paralysed,
I have entered the dark corner of my mind,
With nothing but misery and torture to find,
I have tears rolling down my face,
I want to leave, but depression keeps me in this place,
I always wonder, what it would be like to be dead,
If people would cry or smile instead,
I have always been one to overthink,
But that’s what you do when you see hate every time you blink,
I always smile after I have cried,
Probably because, a little bit of me is now dead inside,
I’m not religious by any means,
But I see god in all my dreams,
I always ask him, why?
But I always wake up before he has chance to reply,
Before I met my wife, I had a plan,
Which would end up with me, walking on heaven’s holy land,
I looked straight in the eyes of death,
And we made a deal for me to take last breath,
The devil was there keeping score,
I just couldn’t deal with life no more,
And no matter how much I sit down and pray,
That feeling never truly goes away,
It sticks with you, like a scar on your chest,
And it comes from nowhere and hits you with its best,
A cloudy haze for a just a brief moment of your time,
But soon you’ll remember, and darkness you’ll find,
When I reach that darkness, I feel like there’s no hope,
With so much self-hatred, I psychically choke,
I don’t really want to live, but I don’t really want to die,
So I fight, and don’t really understand why,
I don’t talk to my doctor, about how I truly feel,
As all they will do is say “Here, take this pill”
As that’s the solution nowadays,
A bottle of tablets and week away,
A manicure, a pedicure,
What the fuck are we living for?
Constant questions, and no answers given,
My mind may be a bastard, but my body is quite forgiving,
So I leave you all on this note, and thankfully not that type,
Depression ain’t always visible, so don’t believe the hype
You may find this writing deep and dark, and you may not even follow,
But the dark side of depression is a bitter pill to swallow.
Someday I’ll be fine and smiling and laughing away,
But to be honest with all of you, it won’t be today.


Wrote on 26/02/2020

The music is loud,
And people are having fun,
A miserable face is the only way I’m noticeable,
But happiness is only ok for some,
I’ve been sat in a pub for over 2 hours,
And still only on my first drink,
But I need pure noise and chaos,
Just so I don’t have to hear myself think,
I’m holding back tears,
Locking up my emotions again,
Trying to hide my self-hatred away,
Whilst convincing people to be my friend,
People say I’m genuine and kind,
And that I just need to believe it,
But most have only just met me,
And my infectious depression aint yet had time to hit,
In this pub I see dramas and laughter,
And then even more laughter and dramas,
But they are just being human,
Whilst I sit alone in the corner like a non-murdering Jeffery Dahmer,
The reason I can never leave this darkness,
Is cos I’ve never been inside the light,
And I can’t survive in this life,
Without having to struggle and fight,
All I want is to be a part of it all,
Or at least to feel that I am,
But even if my head allows me that opportunity,
I don’t think I can,
I’ve just locked myself away,
Way too many times,
So all I have now is darkness,
Alcohol, cigarettes and poetry rhymes,
So If I’m going to be alone in this world,
I might as well be alone in company,
And the good thing about being a ghost in the pub,
Is at least then me, they cannot see.


Wrote on 31/10/2022 (Not Proofread yet)

I see a Rose, All red in colour,
It tells me I’m a fool, if I love another,
I see a Rose, dressed all in white,
Telling me to not stray tonight,
I see a Rose, deep in blue,
Asking me to stay true,
I see a Rose, All red in colour,
It tells me I’m a fool, if I love another.


Wrote on 14/02/2022

I’ve realised,
My doctor is a pusher man,
Giving me drugs,
That he doesn’t even understand,
Somewhere, someone unknown,
Decides what drugs are legal or not,
All decided based on which makes more money,
A never-ending money-making robot,
Right now, I’m numb and out of it,
Like I’m an extra in the walking dead,
All because I want help with the depression,
That consistently plaques my head,
I’ve smoked the odd joint in my life,
But right now I am the highest I have EVER been,
And I’d need rehab to get away from this tablet,
If I ever wanted to be clean,
For years, I may have been depressed,
But at least I could feel,
Cos this anti-psychotic depression tablet,
Has made me happy, hollow and not real,
So, stop me from being me,
And give me drugs Dr. Pusherman,
Prescribe them evil chemicals to me,
And send my ass to wonderland.
I feel like a ghost,
Empty inside,
You say it will make me feel better,
I think you lied,
Synthetic pleasure,
From some fake ass chemical drug,
Make believe happiness,
From scientists who are also criminal thugs,
But it’s ok,
I don’t mind,
Cos if I had a voice or opinion,
You’d give me hard prison time,
Dr. Pusherman,
Working for criminals in white coats,
A business that makes fake,
Making money from suicide notes,
I’m Damned if I do,
Don’t if I don’t,
I only want something to make the pain to stop,
I just know these happy pills won’t.
I just don’t know any other way,
So, I will have to bow down,
And stop true feelings,
And wear my brand-new frown.



Wrote on 20/10/2022 (NOT Proofread)

Tired eyes rest up for the night,
And my senses drop me from a great height,
Showing nothing and nothing showing,
With my inner demon’s strength ever growing,
Falling deeper, deeper I fall,
Into a land where there is no rule,
Welcome to the world of dreams,
Where nothing is as it seems,
Whatever it is, alive or dead,
Awake or asleep, it’s messing with my head,

Stuck in this forever dreamscape,
With all my major insecurities getting raped,
Over and over and over again,
Like a jealous ex-boyfriend,
Maybe in life, I’ve just taken too much coke,
Or I just don’t get the punch line to the joke,
In a psychedelic trance like state,
Paralysed body, a mind full of hate,
Whatever it is, alive or dead,
Awake or asleep, it’s messing with my head,

Big scary monsters, lurk in wait,
Kissed with poison lips, it’s just a part of their trait,
What the hell is going on?
And who is singing that song?
Constant problems racing on highways in my brain,
With the biggest one forever changing lanes,
Trapped in a sub reality,
With no such thing as a technicality,
Whatever it is, alive or dead,
Awake or asleep, it’s messing with my head,

I don’t know the difference anymore.
I travel down this route just like I did before,
Not knowing who or what to trust,
Mixed emotions anger, fear and lust,
Trapped in psychosomatic fits,
Inside this dream I fall to bits,
I scream to wake up, but it falls on sleeping ears,
As I try to defeat my deepest fears,
Whatever it is, alive or dead,
Awake or asleep, it’s messing with my head,


Flying high, I drop in the sea below,
On a sinking ship, I already know,
Hidden so very dense,
Words no longer make any sense,
Shadows in the corners of my mind,
Rubik like puzzles, treasures to find,
With my soul as my one and only mentor,
I go on this demented whirlwind adventure,
Whatever it is, alive or dead,
Awake or asleep, it’s messing with my head,

I awaken halfway through my sleep,
With my eyelids fluttering, still in deep,
I see clothes half dishevelled,
But my mind tells me it’s the devil,
A sudden jolt and a slight panic,
With my breathing going manic,
I realise I am awake,
And that my eyes just made a mistake,
Whatever it is, alive or dead,
Awake or asleep, it’s messing with my head,

Back to sleep, I seem to go,
As my head sinks into the pillow,
Magical stars, this galaxy farce,
Travelling somewhere in between Venus and Mars,
Maybe it’s the future I see,
Or hidden messages of what is bothering me,
It comes to me with no finesse or precision,
And I see it all through kaleidoscopic vision,
Whatever it is, alive or dead,
Awake or asleep, it’s messing with my head,

My alarm goes off, and I rise from slumber,
Out from the woods and hidden from thunder,
And my mind rests for the first time that night,
No more panic, no more fight,
Or at least not that I can’t control,
Half awake, half asleep, life returns my soul,
And as obscure as it all seems,
Maybe true reality is hidden in our dreams,
Whatever it is, alive or dead,
Awake or asleep, it’s messing with my head.

Wrote on 03/05/2021

I go outside,
To smoke a cigarette,
I’m surrounded by the night’s sky,
And my troubles I soon forget,
I take out my phone,
To try and capture this peace filled occasion,
As such calm in this life,
Rarely comes free and without persuasion,
But something unknown makes me focus,
On the picture I’ve now obtained,
I zoom in to look at the moon,
And see something no man could explain,
Something lurking in the clouds,
Some kind of demonic looking hound,
I have no idea nor clue,
Of what my eyes have just found,
I try to make sense of it,
But before I do so,
The powers that be,
Are quick to let me know,
It’s a messenger of hell,
Sent straight from the abyss,
This canine of the sky,
Locks on too me and doesn’t miss,
Resting with a hungry stomach,
The Cerberus of the sky,
Waiting for his chance to feast on me,
When I eventually die,
The sleepy dog of hell,
Watching me in this midnight hour,
My mind starts to unsettle,
As fear starts to devour,
I am at the mercy of this beast,
And nobody is able to save me
I have never believed in god,
But the Devil, maybe,
When I noticed this creature,
The wind it did change,
Shiver’s ran down my back,
And things started to feel strange,
It goes deathly quiet,
As the wind dies suddenly,
I am overwhelmed with a feeling,
That something is watching me,
Randomly I hear,
The slightest of distant howls,
I’m all alone in this sleepy concrete jungle,
And Death is obviously on the prowl,
I wish this wasn’t real,
And just a part of a nightmarish dream,
I wish I was able to wake,
But my voice is incapable of scream,
I stand frozen,
Unable to move,
And the pure fear that drowns me,
I cannot remove,
Sleeping dog of hell,
Please don’t take me yet,
The messenger of underworld,
Lord Satan’s pet,
His bright overpowering presence,
Once so keen,
In a heartbeat vanished and gone,
Now to be unseen,
As quick as they did go,
My senses rush back to me,
Confused and concerned,
Of what I did see,
This sleepy dog of hell,
The evilest of Lucifer’s creations,
Informing me of the news,
That my afterlife is damnation,
My story of what happened,
Not one man will believe,
But the angel of darkness don’t mind,
Because his message to me, was strongly received.

Wrote on 19/09/2022 – Photo took at 02.54am

Mental health,
It will not define me,
But mental health,
Is all that they see,

If I hide away,
I’m a coward on the run,
If I stand up for myself,
I’m public enemy number one,
If I tell the doctor,
I’m in a place for the ill,
If I tell the police,
I’m running for the hill,
If I tell my mother,
If I tell my father,
I’ll be blue lighted,
Like no other,
If I take my meds,
I’m a zombie for the rest,
If I don’t,
Anxiety fills my chest,
If I’m brave,
I’m hiding it away,
If I’m scared,
It’s a normal day,
The Illness I have is now common,
It is well known,
But Truth be told,
Mental health makes me alone.

Mental health,
It does nothing but define me,
And mental health,
Is all everyone sees.

Wrote on 15/11/2020

Look at that man,
Sat over there,
He’s having a full blown conversation,
But no one else is there,
He looks scared and lost,
And he ain’t took care of himself,
He is different to us,
A classic symptom of mental health,
It’s pure witchcraft,
The devil’s own magic,
It’s truly pathetic to see,
And really quite tragic,
I became a doctor,
To save their poor souls,
I force feed them some unknown medication,
So we can have complete control,
I am a respected psychiatric doctor,
And I’m the leading expert now,
I fully understand a madman’s mind,
The if, when and how,
It’s obvious these animals need caging,
That is plain to see,
I don’t care if you say they are people too,
Cos they are not human to me,
These cretins asked me for help,
And I gave it them,
I took away their freedom,
Whilst pretending to be their friend,
Remember madness is incurable,
And homosexuality is a sin,
And I also make life or death decisions,
Based on the colour of a man’s skin,
So don’t try and explain it to me,
Cos I refuse to understand,
A crazy person to me,
Is in no way, a man,
So stop Mr. Lunatic,
Stop all your tears,
And trust me cos I’m a doctor,
And I have been for years,
I will do tests on you,
And for your own safety put you in chains,
You will soon be normal,
When I electrocute your brain,
I have also made a few films,
About these psychotic buffoons,
Just to make the common people,
Believe they go crazy when it’s a full moon,
They cannot live among us,
I believe they will eat our flesh,
But I will expel this evil away,
Praise the lord and god bless,
Mr name is Dr Biased,
And I have deluded views,
I will tell the world about these primal beasts,
And I’ll make it headline news,
We shall all live in ignorance,
We don’t understand and that makes us afraid,
And we will call people insane,
If the slightest disorder is displayed,
Some new research presented,
Says they are human too,
But that way of thinking,
I straight up refuse,
My name is Dr Biased,
Leading expert in mental health,
And refusing to research it properly,
Has gave my life a lot of wealth,
You may think this is wrong,
You may even be sympathetic,
But I promise that the broken bones they have cos of me,
Is purely cosmetic,
So please remember they are not like us at all,
They do not drink from the same cup,
So fuck ‘em all,
Fuck ‘em…. and lock ‘em up.

Wrote on 18/09/2022